Snaps
She
Posted February 06 2012
She woke up that morning,
With a bad ache in her head.
She didn’t bother to get up,
And took another pill instead.
One more day of not feeling right,
Reality seemed cruel and tainted,
She had once again found herself stuck in,
The empty canvas of the life she had painted.
Her favorite hiding place was a Van Gogh star-filled sky,
Although her agony had erased her will to live,
She was certain that was where she would die.
Ashamed splashes of sadness,
Mixed with tiny specks of green,
Transformed into a violent blend of madness,
Creating a mysterious shade that had never been seen.
Although her body was weak,
She surrendered to everyday pain,
Swallowing her undeserved guilt time after time,
Aware of how her silent suffering kept her sane.
Her favorite hiding place was a Van Gogh star-filled sky,
Although her agony had erased her will to live,
She was certain that was where she would die.
Yellow wandered off the brush,
Like a child’s laughter lost in the distance,
Black and white sounds took over,
Creating an ambiance inspired by a chilled absence.
Memories swam in her mind,
Refusing to drown in a dark sea of blue,
Reminding her of all the mistakes that had pierced her confidence,
And of all the things she had been forced to go through.
Her favorite hiding place was a Van Gogh star-filled sky,
Although her agony had erased her will to live,
She was certain that was where she would die.
She wondered if her time to break free had arrived,
Along with her right to nurture the gift of choice.
Would she risk living one more day,
Or would she rather listen to her inner voice?
Would she have been better off,
If she had treasured her new life?
The truth is she wasn’t strong enough,
To be a portrait of a widowed wife.
Now she lives in her favorite hiding place,
In a Van Gogh star-filled sky,
Preparing for eternal sleep,
As she bids the World her last goodbye.
Comments (7)
Version 1 posted on February 06 2012 at 2:36PM
Nuno Viegas Wrote:
I really liked this, it has an intimacy that almost makes it hard to the reader to reach the end of this woman's tale... or maybe it was not her end, but rather "just" the end of her agony... "The truth is she wasn’t strong enough, To be a portrait of a widowed wife." This is just beautiful... and I love Van Gogh! It was a pleasure to read, please do write more!
February 09 2012 at 6:08PM
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ReplyMandy Wrote:
This describes a woman dying women, I think both physically and mentally. I can't tell in the end if she really wants to die, or just avoid reality, hide in her own world. The lack of clarification could be telling, though, as perhaps both states are really the same thing.
February 09 2012 at 8:47AM
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ReplyLavender Jay Wrote:
I liked this poem, nice job. I like the comparisons.
February 06 2012 at 8:35PM
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ReplyShik923 Wrote:
This poem really played with the reader's emotions. I felt dragged along (in a good way) on a roller coaster of this woman's life. I could easily see this turning into a great song. Very interesting work. Keep it up!
February 06 2012 at 5:23PM
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ReplyYorkie Lover Wrote:
One more thing. I loved this line "Yellow wandered off the brush, Like a child’s laughter lost in the distance"
February 06 2012 at 5:23PM
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ReplyYorkie Lover Wrote:
Heart wrenching. The end leaves me in suspense, as I can't tell if the woman has killed herself, or is in a state of fantasy/disillusion ("preparing for eternal sleep"). I would include more detail to help the work come alive, though. For example when you say "Reminding her of all the mistakes that had pierced her confidence, And of all the things she had been forced to go through" show us those things, rather than telling us of them.
February 06 2012 at 5:16PM
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ReplyInked Up Wrote:
This was a hard read. I like how in the end the poet does not look upon death as a tragedy, but a gift to the subject. I do think the rhyme took away from the seriousness of the work slightly. I also find it interesting that the poem ends in the subject's suicide, as this work felt like a cry for help, like the subject knows the source of her sadness, and is looking for the strength to overcome it, despite the fact that she "believes" she cannot.
February 06 2012 at 4:09PM
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