Snaps
LUST
Posted February 09 2012
Stink of unripe palm juice
Sways across the room without ease
Naked physic
And knocked psyche
Search and touch
Strike with passion
Without emotion
Permeates everywhere like dust
This ugly lust,
Remembrance churns out, not sweet memories
But only guilt, regret and worries.
This lust feeds on like an incurable inebriety.
Graduation from infatuation into maturity
Is the only remedy to rid of this addiction.
Comments (3)
Version 1 posted on February 09 2012 at 8:50PM
HungerGamesGirl59 Wrote:
This was an improovement on your last poem. It felt real and made me connect. Great work!
June 06 2012 at 3:29PM
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ReplyYorkie Lover Wrote:
This is a very powerful piece, but I question your word choice sometimes. It feels like this is not your first language, but that if I were reading this in your first language, like it would be a lot more fluid. A few things: physic should be "physique" and the last line should be "remedy to get rid of this addition." My favorite line is "permeates everywhere like dust." A perfect metaphor for this. I think you should also clarify what the lust feeds on "like an incurable inebriety" I am assuming the regret and worries, but you would need to add the word "that" after "worries" in order to express this.
February 09 2012 at 10:23PM
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ReplyShik923 Wrote:
I loved how the second half of the poem had a nice way of sneaking in some rhyming that was really well done. This poem was ripe with great poetic devices and told its story really well. Keep it up!
February 09 2012 at 9:33PM
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